Musings for the New Year

It's hard to believe how fast time is going and that 2009 is here already. I made a lot of mistakes in 2008 and I'm quite sure I'll make a lot in 2009. It's a whole new experience living on your own and making all your own decisions. I've encountered a lot of challenges and a lot of exciting experiences and a lot of failures along the way.

It's weird when you're the one who's responsible wholly and completely for every hour of your day not spent working. You decide if you go to church Sunday morning after staying up too late Saturday night, you decide whether or not you read your Bible every day and there's no one there to ask you if you did it, and the list goes on. It's a lot of stuff that I was responsible for anyway, but it's different when you're not accountable to anyone except God.

There have been rough weeks where I didn't spend near enough time seeking God or when I got to church an hour late but I think that when you start a life on your own, there are so many new challenges that it takes a while to iron things out and I hope that some of those things will be fixed in the New Year. It's tough putting into words what it's like. Those of you who have recently moved out on your own know what I mean. ;)

I already have some worries and concerns, though, about my contract ending in September. I know that I should be home for Christmas and hopefully Thanksgiving, as well. But I can't help but worry about returning to the States, even though it's so far away. I was just talking about it with a friend today over lunch.

One of the things I'm dreading most is that I've got to go through the whole process and uncertainty of finding a new job, getting a new visa(and that whole process), and getting settled in somewhere new with a totally different way of doing things. I'm even uncertain about how I would find a job from the States for the small town that I live in. I'm sure God will lead and direct, though, according to how He wants me to act.

I'm also concerned about settling into a life in America that could last several months. When you live at home, you can be independent, but your lifestyle mirrors that of your family. When you move out, you take on and form a completely new lifestyle separate from what you had with your family. It becomes uniquely yours.

My first experience on my own was here, in Korea. Therefore, the lifestyle that I've formed and become comfortable with is very Korean, since I am immersed in the culture in a way that very few foreign teachers would ever be. I eat Korean food every day, have my favorite restaurants, formed hobbies that are Korean, go to a Korean church on my own, have become more comfortable with chopsticks than with a fork, etc. I can't imagine the culture shock and the potential stress of returning to a different life than what I've become used to.

Anyway, enough of that. I have a few goals for the New Year. It's been a little rough getting settled in on my own and there are things that I would like to change in this new year, 2009. First and foremost is to keep my focus where it should be, seeking after Christ. I've found out just how important that is over the past few months.

Another goal is to really improve my Korean so that I'm comfortable communicating in a variety of different ways.

One goal that I'm already working on and have gotten much better with is having a better sleeping and rising schedule. The 3 am to 11 am schedule wasn't conducive to a healthy style and after a lot of lecturing from my friends here, as well as my family, I've already gotten to where I'm averaging a 1:30 to 10 sleeping schedule, which is a step in the right direction, right? ;)

Finally, a very important, and probably the most difficult, goal is to be more spiritually pure. I want to be more confident in my witness and never ashamed of my Christian faith. It's too easy to not bow your head over a meal when you're the only one doing it in a group of people or in a crowded restaurant. Another is to keep my witness pure by not engaging in things or saying things that could bring damage to Christ's reputation. I know that some of the language I use in Korean sometimes is not pleasing to God and it's often hard breaking those habits. But I want my life to be above reproach and my speech is an important part of that and is an area where I have often failed. :(

I know, however, that with God's help, He will lead me to victory in all areas of my life. I pray that this year is a year where God can use me in a way that He has never used me before and my life is a living testimony of the saving power and sovereign will of God.